To my everlasting disappointment I’m a very slow reader. Which means I get through a couple of books a month – perhaps three. Which leads to the following distressing piece of math: based on an optimistic 50 year run between school-leaving and the onset of senility, or an articulated lorry and assuming a generous 30 books a year, my entire lifetime literary input will amount to a measly 1,500 books.

I own close to 1,500 books. I suppose I should start giving them away. On the other hand that makes my lifetime customer value to Heather fucking Reisman* a cool $30K. That crappy little loyalty card doesn’t seem so generous now – particularly since I pay $15 per annum for the privilege – another $750 jangling in Heather and Gerry’s bedside change jar.

This distressing calculation merely reinforces my determination to never read a “business” book.

*owner of Chapters/Indigo book chain which, to all intents and purposes, has eviscerated the retail book trade in Canada